{"id":10051,"date":"2017-06-15T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2017-06-15T05:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lifeline.philips.com\/resources\/blog\/2014\/04\/why-wont-seniors-accept-help.html"},"modified":"2023-09-21T10:54:18","modified_gmt":"2023-09-21T14:54:18","slug":"why-wont-seniors-accept-help","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeline.com\/blog\/why-wont-seniors-accept-help\/","title":{"rendered":"Why Won\u2019t Seniors Accept Help"},"content":{"rendered":"

It isn\u2019t easy for most people to accept help, even when it\u2019s needed, and it can be particularly challenging for the current generation of seniors wanting to remain independent.<\/p>\n

Understanding why the elderly refuse help enables us to be more compassionate and effective helping aging parents and others who object to assistance.<\/p>\n

Here are the most common reasons seniors won\u2019t accept help:<\/h2>\n

Misinterpretation<\/h3>\n

Some older adults misunderstand what we mean when we offer help or discuss topics like \u00a0senior care, home care, adult day care, personal care, or medical alert system. For instance, they may misconstrue \u201chome care\u201d as moving into a nursing home, or \u201cmedical alert system\u201d as attaching wires to them and watch their every move.<\/p>\n

What to do:<\/em><\/h4>\n

Carefully and patiently describe what you mean when discussing these terms, and add an example or anecdote to make sure the scenario is clear to them.<\/p>\n

Learn more: Tips for how to talk to seniors about a medical alert device.<\/i><\/a><\/p>\n

Loss of Privacy<\/h3>\n

For some seniors, home health or personal care and medical alert systems feel like an invasion of privacy.<\/p>\n

What to do:<\/em><\/h4>\n

Suggest service options that have a lower impact on privacy, such as senior centers and adult day programs. Remind them that medical alert systems do not require someone be in the home with them, and are only deployed during emergencies and from a distance.<\/p>\n

Loss of Independence<\/h3>\n

Most of us are able to acknowledge that the need for help may be temporary \u2013 recovery from surgery, a short-term illness, or the addition of a new baby in our life. But for many seniors, the need help is related to longer-term issues, such as declining health and increasing dependence. In their minds, the longer they resist, the longer they preserve their independence. In fact, one famous study<\/a> found that seniors fear losing their independence more than they fear death.<\/p>\n

What to do:<\/em><\/h4>\n

Most seniors are open to considering or accepting new technology that helps them monitor their health and remain independent. Highlight the ways that using technology like a medical alert device or home monitoring system can help them continue to participate in their community, engage in favorite activities and continue to live at home knowing that they can reach emergency response personnel even if they can\u2019t reach the phone.<\/p>\n

Pride<\/h3>\n

Most seniors today are part of the generation called the\u00a0Traditionalists, or the Silent Generation<\/a>,\u00a0and the way they grew up is considerably different than the generations following them. This group of elders experienced some part of the Great Depression, worked hard, stayed in their jobs for decades, and saved their money. Their values include sacrifice, loyalty and contributing to the collective good. Asking for help has not been part of their vocabulary and accepting it is even harder.<\/p>\n

What to do:<\/em><\/h4>\n

Knowing they aren\u2019t the only ones can sometimes break down the barriers seniors\u2019 pride puts up. Acknowledge it\u2019s difficult for anyone to accept help and suggest this kind of assistance is common among people their age with this particular illness or in this specific situation.<\/p>\n

Denial<\/h3>\n

Though denial can help us maintain hope that treatment or lifestyle changes will lead to improvement, it can also prevent us from taking a very necessary action, such as accepting the help we need.<\/p>\n

What to do:<\/em><\/h4>\n

Show seniors that most people need some kind of help and that accepting support and assistance can make the situation much better for everyone.<\/p>\n

Dementia & Cognitive Issues<\/h3>\n

Any level of cognitive impairment clouds judgment and makes it difficult if not impossible to make good decisions. Seniors dealing with cognitive issues often choose options that go against their own self-interest, such as refusing help.<\/p>\n

What to do:<\/h4>\n

Find out when senior is most lucid and offer help during these times. If the elder has dementia, they may not be able to truly decide and you will have to make the decision for them.<\/p>\n

Financial Concerns<\/h3>\n

Even those of us with the financial resources to pay for the services we need may feel we can\u2019t afford them. This is especially true for seniors who lived through the Great Depression and\/or the Great Recession. This generation also believes in leaving an inheritance for their children and grandchildren, so spending money on themselves means tapping into that inheritance.<\/p>\n

What to do:<\/em><\/h4>\n

Show how paying for the help you suggest ultimately enable them or their families to spend less in the long run. For instance, bringing in supportive services at home can delay long-term care placement.<\/p>\n

Learn more: Assisted Living vs. Home Care: What\u2019s the Difference?<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

Credibility<\/h3>\n

To many seniors, medical topics are the domain of healthcare professionals like doctors and nurses, so the entreaties of family and non-medical professionals \u2013 no matter how logical or rational \u2013 may not be accepted because they\u2019re not coming from a credible source.<\/p>\n

What to do:<\/em><\/h4>\n

Share your concerns and suggested help with the senior\u2019s physician, and ask for their assistance in conveying this information. If the doctor is willing to write an order for the service it can often have even more impact. Not only does it give seniors something in writing, but it stresses that the doctor feels it is important enough to order it.<\/p>\n

How to Begin the Conversation<\/h2>\n

Try these tips for helping aging parents and other seniors who don\u2019t want help:<\/p>\n