{"id":10190,"date":"2018-10-31T00:00:00","date_gmt":"2018-10-31T05:00:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.lifeline.philips.com\/resources\/blog\/2016\/10\/how-to-deal-with-conflict-when-caring-for-an-aging-family-member.html"},"modified":"2023-04-03T10:40:44","modified_gmt":"2023-04-03T15:40:44","slug":"how-to-deal-with-conflict-when-caring-for-an-aging-family-member","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.lifeline.com\/blog\/how-to-deal-with-conflict-when-caring-for-an-aging-family-member\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Deal with Conflict When Caring for an Aging Family Member"},"content":{"rendered":"

One of the biggest sources for family stress is conflict<\/a>, especially when we\u2019re caring for an aging parent. How do you manage this extra stress when being a family caregiver<\/a>? Begin with communication.<\/b><\/p>\n

Jude Bijou, a licensed family therapist and author of Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life<\/i><\/a>, has four rules for communicating efficiently that \u201cpave the way towards finding a common ground on which you can begin to find a solution\u201d:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Stick to talking about yourself (no blaming)<\/li>\n
  2. Stay specific and address one topic at a time<\/li>\n
  3. Be kind, positive and look for good solutions and good efforts<\/li>\n
  4. Talk less and listen at least half the time<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    You can use Bijou\u2019s framework when dealing with some of these common family caregiver conflicts:<\/p>\n

    Conflict with an Unsupportive Family Member<\/h2>\n

    It\u2019s easy to judge or be mad at family members for not helping enough, but that doesn\u2019t help. \u201cRemember that most people want to help if you ask them for something they are capable of doing,\u201d says Jennifer FitzPatrick, MSW, and author of Cruising Through Caregiving: Reducing the Stress of Caring for Your Loved One<\/i><\/a>.<\/p>\n

    Reframe what you\u2019re asking for to be more specific. \u201cThink of tasks that are stressing you out \u2014 direct to caregiving or not. For example, are you stressed about taking Mom to the doctor, picking up the groceries and prescriptions, yard work, etc.?\u00a0Maybe you personally need to take Mom to the doctor, but others could help by dealing with errands and raking your leaves.\u201d<\/p>\n

    Be realistic about your family members and look for ways to allow others to help in the ways that best suit their strengths and personality.<\/p>\n

    Conflict with an Uncooperative Parent<\/h2>\n

    It\u2019s frustrating when your parent won\u2019t do what you need them to. The impulse is to scold or explain, but Bijou says, \u201cgo for empathy. Your parent is doing the best they can under the circumstances. The best you can do is to try and understand them and what they are facing. It\u2019s not productive to try to convince them that you know better than they do.\u201d<\/p>\n

    Instead, try to engage your parents in a conversation about their deeper fears and concerns so you can understand their feelings and work toward a solution that suits both of you. And try our other tips for having sensitive discussions with your aging parents.<\/p>\n

    Conflict with a Healthcare Provider<\/h2>\n

    Caring for an elderly parent inevitably involves frustrating interactions with the healthcare system<\/a>. \u201cDon\u2019t tell others about themselves \u2014 what they did wrong or how they are at fault,\u201d Bijou says. Instead, take a breath and start with a positive statement like “I appreciate how attentive and patient you are with my mother.\u201d Next, ask clearly for what you need, whether it\u2019s a clearer explanation of a procedure or condition, more reasonable scheduling, or some time to think.<\/p>\n

    Conflict with Yourself<\/h2>\n

    Knowing how to deal with conflict is a crucial skill for caregivers. Follow this advice to develop your own skills at defusing skirmishes with yourself and others in your life so you feel better, perform better, and give your loved ones even better care.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    One of the biggest sources for family stress is conflict, especially when we\u2019re caring for an aging parent. How do you manage this extra stress when being a family caregiver? Begin with communication. Jude Bijou, a licensed family therapist and author of Attitude Reconstruction: A Blueprint for Building a Better Life, has four rules for Read more >><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":21216,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"content-type":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10190","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-caregiving"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nDealing with Conflict When Caring for a Family Member | Lifeline<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"When caring for an aging family member, a lot of the stress for caregivers comes from conflict. 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